Making Appointments

Growing up I never understood why my family always had difficulty making plans – whose house would be the gathering place for holidays or celebrations, etc. When invited a couple of months in advance to our house for Thanksgiving, relatives would respond with “we’ll see”. Now that we’re living here, I think I’m gaining some insights into what I always thought was my family’s strange behavior. Here in Italy I see certain nuances in the precision and social protocols for “making plans”…appointments. Within the last few weeks we made several types of appointments: one official (at the Questura); one quasi-official (with our landlord); and, one social (with a friend).

Our posting Friends in High Places described how quickly and efficiently we scheduled our appointments at the Questura for our Permessi di Soggiorno. Our “official” appointments were unambiguously scheduled for precisely 10:50 and 10:55 last Friday. In typical American fashion, we allowed for traffic and parking, arrived and were seated in the waiting area by 9:30. Arriving early with written confirmations in hand was no guarantee that we wouldn’t have to wait. But keeping in mind the Four Rules, we were prepared for whatever happened. The police officer began processing our papers 10 minutes early and we were done and out the door in 30 minutes…amazing by any standard.

Scheduling to meet (quasi-officially) with our landlord was far less efficient and precise. Our purpose was to exchange an expensive espresso machine (the type that uses those little capsules instead of real coffee) for an electric broom (a Dust Buster with a long handle). It took several days and several phone calls to establish a mutually convenient time and make the exchange because our landlord’s daily routine (home for lunch and an afternoon rest) is different from our routine (out and exploring all afternoon). Perhaps this was a case where both parties were trying to be overly accommodating and polite…better Italian-style courtesy than American-style abruptness. Eventually it worked out.

Our third appointment involved meeting an Italian friend for a casual drink. Again, attempting to be marginally efficient (but not quite multi-tasking), we tried to establish an exact meeting time after completing a few domestic errands. The closest we got was his suggestion that we call him when our errands were done on the afternoon that we agreed to meet. Apparently, anything more precise gave our appointment a higher level of social importance than necessary. This way there was no stress, offenses or hurt feelings if either party cancelled in favor of a preferred or more important engagement. Our friendship remains undamaged and life goes on.

The Italian approach to making and keeping appointments might be the cultural basis of my family’s curious “we’ll see” approach to making plans for Thanksgiving. Then there’s the entirely separate subject of the Italian concept of “being on time”…another future posting.